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Himer Latest Questions

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Jennifer Tom

Why do people choose to stay in relationships that they constantly complain about?

Some people keep choosing the same relationship pattern because it is familiar to them even though it isn’t a healthy partnership. Familiar isn’t always a good thing such as in this situation.

Why do people choose to stay in relationships that they constantly complain about?

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1 Her Answer

  1. Relationship is a need. When you are at a primary stage of relationship, you do everything for making him or her happy. If you are able to do that, you feel immense pleasure, specifically if your partner acknowledges it. You feel that the person you idolise as symbol of love is appreciating you. Psychologicaly your mind associates that person with your sense of happiness, inner peace, desires etc. You feel to have a person to depend on…a sort of codependency develops.

    But over a period of time, this becomes usual and you are no more noticed or appreciated with equal enthusiasm. So the perception about your partner changes. Now you start feeling a lack in your inner feelings and you find your partner responsible for it. Accordingly the talks, subjects, agendas, volume pitch…everything changes.

    So the people who says that relationships are bad, are standing at that stage… But the codependency is not

3 Him Answers

  1. I would first recommend that you look up the phrase “bad picker.” The way I’ve heard it explained by a therapist is that all people have different “attachment styles.” That would also be a good term to look up. It all seems to boil down to emotional and social dysfunctions that we develop during childhood. This is hard to undo for two main reasons:

    1. Our bad pickers are ingrained from an early age. Poor boundaries are a major part of this.
    2. People with emotional and social issues often don’t want to seek therapy. This is for a variety of reasons. The more their friends tell them to change, etc., the more stubborn they may become.

    Sometimes, when someone is finally a miserable, broken mess, and have nowhere to turn, they’ll get therapy, start to uncover their issues, and develop better emotional intelligence so that they are drawn to better romantic partners and stop sabotaging healthy relationships.

  2. For them the good may outweigh the bad.

    Or, as seen in the epitaph “He died doing what he loved the most – hating what he was doing” they just like to complain. If nothing is broke they either break stuff so they can complain, or complain about things that are not broken & they don’t really care about.

    Others really feel trapped (and maybe they are).

  3. They are right and they are not right.

    It’s all in the phrasing.

    Relationships are not bad but demanding. We all come with set ideas, ideals and are feeling safe in this comfort zone.

    Relationships demand adjustment to a changing situation and we are reluctant to shift our asses.

    But again, though relationships though demanding, are a pleasant distraction which we all enjoy.